tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2009-11-11:/MokoFeed2009-11-11T10:22:47+01:00tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-30:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7171173whoknows2008-06-30T18:40:59+02:002008-06-30T18:40:59+02:00I honestly do understand how powerful the feelings for someone like this can be. But it has gone much too far now for this relationship to be saved, and I think you see that.<br> <br> You can never prove your fidelity, and I know that from experience. I ended up saying like a stuck record, 'I'm not being unfaithful, so if you think I am that's your problem and there's nothing I can do.'<br> <br> But this goes beyond paranoia and jealousy. He's trying to drive you insane, and I really worry that you are letting him. Next time he pushes a button, you push the fastdial solicitor button. You really should seek legal help to know your position. For example, if your name is on the deeds to the house, he can never exclude you from it - the Police can assist you to break in. <br> <br> I really do feel for you. My bf is a git, but he sounds like an angel compared to this bloke.<br> <br> Good lucktag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-30:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7170830deleted user2008-06-30T17:53:31+02:002008-06-30T17:53:31+02:00Agreed . The man's a pathological , amoral liar and manipulator who will never change .tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-30:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7167505Foxwriter2008-06-30T10:29:08+02:002008-06-30T10:29:08+02:00The man is a coward.<br> <br> The man is a bully.<br> <br> The man is a narcissist.<br> <br> The man has betrayed you, stamped on you and used you.<br> <br> You DO count. You are NOT a 'nothing'. And you ARE somebody.<br> <br> You are a mother. You are a person.<br> <br> You are a woman.<br> <br> x tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-30:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7165888Janenediannemartin2008-06-30T00:58:34+02:002008-06-30T00:58:34+02:00i need to get this out.. I left my husband last November due to him making it impossible for the children and i to stay in our home. He asked me not to give up on my marriage. I agreed at this point we each had keys and most things were left in the maritall home he gave me the sob story i had more money than him and was in a better position. However i was told i couldgo back when ever to pick up my clothes, toys, basics - we had 2 of everything so really it should not have mattered. We got off to a good start then 4 days after we moved out he added a lock to the family home we were unable to get in. He stayed out one friday night and here is where it all begins. We did some fighting and he would not call for 1 week then i would call him. He would come to our new home and just take our things - boxes of washing up liquid 6 pack etc... anyway i continued we shopped for the kids xmas things from him i paid for them he took then to his to wrap he managed to manipulate knives from me £169.00 and yet he would not let me get a table for the kids to sit at or any of our core essentials - all my business clothes were at the house and again no way could i have them.. We spoke the week of Xmas and i asked if he would like to watch the kids open their toys and perhaps have thenm on Boxing day he declined saying he had made arrangements. I continued with Xmas he called to wish me happy birthday on Xmas Eve and then i heard nothing until New Years eve when he expected a happy birthday. He asked if he could have our son - i had already made arrangements so i said no. Then once again heard nothing until the 7th jan when he came to see the kids... once agian he caused a fight and left.... no contact was made with me or the children until i called him 6th Feb. We agreed to spend the weekend with the kids together at mine. He asked for £1500 as he said he had no money (in cash) He came and we slept together he swore on my sons life there was no one else in his life and left on the sunday. He told me he was then away on business. The next day he called and asked for £3600 for the tax man. On the 12th feb something took me to our home instinct i suppose. There i found a valentines card hung on the door i opened it and my world fell apart. A swearing undying love for him. When questioned he denied he knew he very much and had no idea she felt that way.... the next few days were hell. I had asked him to attend our sons first parents assembly he said he had meetings i now know he was celebrating his girlfriends daughters birthday and on the parents assembly day slept in and had a morning in bed with his girlfriend. He came home on the staurday evening and called me with some excuse that his heaing wasn't working and he was cold. I put the phone down on him.. I then checked some phone bills of his and everything fell into place (his phone bills had not been delivered to our home for 4 years - they went to his mothers so she obviously knew and gave him alibies) I spoke to a friend of his that had been his good friend for 32 years. On hearing me he then told me everything the prostitutes, the swinging sites, the mistresses and the girlfriend... oh what a mess. I found out that when he was with me the previous weekend at out home supposed to be spending time with his son he had not seen for weeks he was texting his girlfriend - from my home. I called him and went MAD. The police were there at the time he had reported me for inteception of royal mail (i did not know they were there) I felt dirty and violated, i felt i could no longer hold my children without fear of giving them something what a mess. I put the kids to be and set about a plan to end it all. The police arrived and arrested me took me to the station put me in a cell until the next morning ( at any time he could have let me out he knew what had happened to me but he didnt) I was released without charge the next day. Just to rub salt in the wound this day he went to the local cinema with his girlfriend and then slept with her at our home in our bed. The home he would not even let the children visit. I truely believe he was trying to push me over the edge had i seen her car i know what i would have done.<br> Since all this came out i have spoken to his then girlfriend whom he met on match.com at the begining of December 9 days after he had asked me not to give up on our marriage. He had told her a pack of lies and professed to be a man with morals that could never be unfaithful. He had showered her with flowers, perfume, cards saying i love you, chocolates (all the things he never did for me) with my money! I called some numbersfrom hisbills only to find out he had also been seeing a woman from bank holiday August 2006 named Catherine Smith. This was 3 weeks after i had paid for usto go to Italy where he had persuaded me to buy him a £3000 watch and new wedding rings for the both of us as he had thrown my ring and engagement ring away..... i am confused and feel pathetic and stupid knowing all this and having him back - i suppose love is very blind.He told me he was sorry he made a mistake he would no longer be like this... only he still accuses me and makes my life hell. I'm not allowed to have friends and men and women can't be freind i'm told constantly.... what man has the mother of his child locked up. for finding out the truth.... a man that does not care about anyone but himself. He is so proud of himself stating he had stopped seeing catherine when he was seeing his new girlfriend so he believes he wasnt being unfaithful - what he fails to see is that he was being unfaithful to me - but hey im a nothing and a nobody and i don't count.tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-30:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7165806Janenediannemartin2008-06-30T00:28:50+02:002008-06-30T00:28:50+02:00Yes your absoluty right they nearly lost me in February when the extent of his deceipt was established and the game was up. I just wished that i had continued with my post bootcamp confidence instead of letting him back in to control me again. I aim to get to where i was... I have just been offered yet another new job but this time it will mean a real move away from here and the kids possibly going to private school they need stability and to be guided the right way. If my little girl sees that this is how men treat women and its all she can aspire to having God help her. My little boy needs to be taught right from wrong and needs to have positive role models in his life instead of a father that thrives on pity and the poor me story along with 30 years of smoking dope and getting away with everything. My failing has been i have not told him he's a wonderful man, wonderful husband and wonderful father because quite frankly he has not been. However the women he has had affairs with and his family (whom i am kept away from - by his manipulation) tell him he is wonderful and this is what he loves... he thrives on it. Its even my fault he had his affairs and i'm told 'do you know how hard it is to have sex with someone else' Wonder why through all of the violance, spitting in my face, verbal abuse, lying and bullying i never wanted to have an affair or search for someone to treat me nice... i know why because above anything i believed what i felt for him was real love and the one thing i could count on would be he would never be unfaithful - god he was convincing even though he spent 37 weekends away over the space of 16 months - always causing a fight to leave... never ever did he arrange with me that he would be away... however it was always my fault for making him go... i ask myself how can you arrange to see your mistress if you are having a good time with your wife ... i know you fall out with the wife and make it all her fault. I'm all over the place and need to find stength.tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-29:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7165517VisionInBlue2008-06-29T23:29:14+02:002008-06-29T23:29:14+02:00It can be so frustrating dealing with a person who is determined to be "right" all the time. They rarely think about how their actions will make other people feel. Every solution is obviously easier said than done. Not knowing your predicament fully I wouldn't want to tell you the best course of action. He seems to be really good at baiting you, when he does that you just have to try and remember that your kids need you to be strong.tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-29:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7165481Janenediannemartin2008-06-29T23:23:10+02:002008-06-29T23:23:10+02:00As i said before my story is a long one and painful for me but i'm hoping as i write it will also help heal me. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-29:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7165465Janenediannemartin2008-06-29T23:17:03+02:002008-06-29T23:17:03+02:00Thanks... i feel such a fool. Its difficult because i'm so angry with him as well as me. When we had a heated conversation today he said some of the most disgusting things to me about a man that abused me when i was 8 years old - telling me i was in love with him still and the abuse was my fault and how disgusting was I - i am 40 it was such a difficult time for me and i have spent 20 + years trying to deal with it - his words get me right in my heart and make me not want to be here. I obviously went to the house (our home he manipulated me to leave in November so he could entertain his women) and he once again stood at the window goading me. Yes i retaliated and guess what he then pulls up a video camera to capture me on tape... it was obviously not taping when he is having his say. I was furious - he then called the police to the house they dutifully came. I left and then they came to see me at our new home whilst my children where still up... my little man is distraught and my daughter is disgusted.tag:janene.blog.co.uk,2008-06-29:/2008/06/29/a-kick-in-the-teeth-4382254/#c7165403VisionInBlue2008-06-29T23:11:42+02:002008-06-29T23:11:42+02:00As I've learnt there are lots of people that will lend an ear to any problems you've got. Welcome to the blog family.